How to flirt effectively: A flirting manual for men 

John Doe
Relationship tips Tips & Tricks

Although the word “flirting” is supposed to fill us with feelings of bliss, happiness and enjoyment, it is actually a word that fills many people with dread. 

The main reason they end up having this  negative feeling when it comes to flirting with another human being is none other than the fear of rejection! According to Jean Smith, author of the book Flirtology: Stop Swiping, Start Talking and Find Love: “Nobody wants to be rejected, and people will do anything they think will stop them from being rejected,”.

Unfortunately, singles that have difficulties with the concept of flirting, rather than working towards improving their flirting technique, instead fall into an “emotional paralysis”, which ultimately results in them doing nothing at all towards approaching someone through flirt. They either rely on the other person to do the work for them, or even worse they give up finding a partner through this potentially enjoyable method.

Men especially, may find it harder to get around flirting, because of all the expectations they are bombarded with from films, social media and even folklore stories which create an impression that flirting is a talent that you either have it or you don’t. Or that to be “allowed” to flirt, you need to be “worthy” of the person you want to flirt with. Even worse, a flirty person is many times seen by some as non genuine or fickle . Actually though, flirting is the healthiest way of making contact with a possible mate.

 So, how do we go about flirting who we want to flirt?

Being good at flirting, like everything in life has mostly to do with learning the rules on how to do it well and  improving your confidence so you can get yourself to do it. 

While there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to flirting, here are some of the most important aspects a man needs to cover in order to flirt effectively:

. Be confident: Confidence is attractive, so carry yourself with self-assurance. If you find this advice too hard to follow, it may be the right time to look for a course on confidence or for a training course on assertiveness. Learning how to boost your confidence will elevate you as a person but also transport you closer to your relationship goals.

. Use positive body language: Make sure that you create an inviting and comfortable atmosphere wherever you are.Practice these elements of positive body language, and they will become more natural over time. Also use your smile. A genuine smile can make you appear approachable and friendly. Make sure you like your smile. If needs be practice it in the mirror. Try not to focus on details you don’t like about your smile. Check how many handsome men actually have bad teeth! You will be surprised. But if something bothers you a lot then go ahead and find a way to improve it.Maintain good eye contact without staring. It shows confidence and indicates that you are engaged in the conversation. Avoid crossing your arms or legs, as it can create a barrier and make you appear closed off. Instead, keep your body relaxed and open, with your arms uncrossed and your shoulders relaxed. Lean slightly towards the person you’re interested in. It will encourage them to feel that you are indeed making an effort to listen to them.Nod your head from time to time while someone is speaking, as it indicates that you are actively listening and understanding what they’re saying. It will also show them that you’re interested in their thoughts and opinions.

. Learn the tricks of a good communicator: Win first impressions on first dates by asking open-ended questions to show your interest and encourage the other person to share more about themselves.

If you have a good humour don’t be scared to use it. A well-placed joke or playful banter can help create a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere. However, be mindful of the other person’s reactions and adjust your approach accordingly. If you are not confident about your humour or you are often told that you overdo it, maybe you can check out some books on improving your humour techniques. It sounds kind of funny but believe it or not humour is also an attribute that can be learned.Giving sincere compliments will make someone feel good and appreciated. Focus on specific qualities or aspects you genuinely find attractive about the person and don’t be scared to dish them out.Show genuine interest in what the other person is saying and respond thoughtfully to their comments. This shows that you value their opinions and enjoy their company. Also make sure that you collect interesting material you can also give back. Most interesting people use borrowed material in order to entertain others. People appreciate the fact that someone has bothered to stimulate their minds with interesting facts.

. Find common ground: Discover shared interests or hobbies to build a connection. This can create a sense of rapport and provide opportunities for further conversations.

. While being open and genuine is important, leaving a little room for curiosity can pique someone’s interest. Don’t reveal everything about yourself right away; let the conversation unfold gradually.

. Respect personal boundaries: Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues to gauge the other person’s comfort level. If they seem disinterested or express discomfort, respect their boundaries and adjust your approach accordingly. Don’t take it to heart though! As we said, most people fall in the trap of feeling that if they are not someone’s choice, they are “rejects”. No! It is what it is! They are just not someone’s first choice and they are someone else’s that probably is a better fit anyway.

. Be yourself: Authenticity is key. While it’s good to be mindful of your presentation and manners, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Let your true personality shine through.

Remember, flirting is about creating a positive and enjoyable connection with someone. Be authentic and don’t pretend you are someone you are not. Just help you be the best version of yourself.

Enjoy the process, be respectful and have fun getting to know the other person.