From virtual to Real Life: How to give your online relationship, flesh, and blood!

John Doe
Relationship tips

“It’s been a while. You’ve been chatting with this guy for so long, but he doesn’t seem to be moving it forward…He has not asked you out….”

“This girl is so hot and so clever; you don’t seem to get bored talking to her and she loves all the attention you give her. Whenever you hint of something more real, more flesh and blood … she is hesitant… “

When you’ve been chatting with someone for a while online, but they seem reluctant to meet in person, it’s essential to approach the situation with sensitivity and respect for their feelings. Maybe there is a reason they are reluctant to move forward, maybe this has to do with you or maybe it is just debris from the ruins of a past relationship.

Lets see how this can be untangled:

  1. Communicate Openly: By now, you’ve probably cracked the online chemistry code. Let them know you’re eager to see if those sparks fly just as high when you’re face to face. Say, ‘Our virtual chemistry is off the charts! Shall we test it in the real world?’

If they are hesitant, take the hint and explore a bit more, always respecting what they have to say. What are their concerns or reservations about meeting in person?

  • Respect Their Comfort Zone: People may have various reasons for being hesitant about meeting in person. It could be due to anxiety, past experiences, or personal circumstances. It’s important to respect their comfort zone and not pressure them into meeting if they’re not ready. Ask them what they need to do to feel safer?  Give them the lead and follow the way.
  • Build a Safety Net: If the person is hesitant due to concerns about safety or trust, take steps to build trust gradually. Share more about yourself, exchange more personal information (within reason), and consider video calls to bridge the gap between online and in-person interactions. Reassure them that you’re all about mutual comfort and safety. Offer to meet in a well-lit, public spot and share your intentions clearly. ‘Let’s meet up in a cozy, public place where we can chat comfortably. Safety first, always!’
  • Propose a Low-Pressure Meeting: Suggest a low-pressure and casual initial meeting, such as meeting for coffee during the day in a public place. This can help alleviate some of the anxiety associated with a full-fledged date.

You can even make it feel like a playful adventure and ask for them to take part in how they can imagine it going, how can it feel thrilling yet safe for them? Suggest, ‘Imagine the thrill of turning our online escapades into a real-life adventure! From keyboard confidantes to world explorers, are you in?’

  • Focus on Their Pace: Show them it’s all about their comfort zone. Say, ‘It’s all about you and your pace. When you’re ready, we’ll make our offline debut together. No pressure, just pure connection!’ If they’re not ready to meet yet, be patient and give them the time and space they need. Continue to maintain a positive and respectful online connection while allowing the relationship to develop naturally.
  • Consider Their Perspective: Try to understand their perspective and concerns. Is there anything specific that is causing them to hesitate? Addressing these concerns, if possible, can help make them feel more comfortable about meeting.
  • Evaluate Your Own Intentions and make them clear: Take a moment to reflect on your own intentions and expectations. Ensure that your desire to meet in person is based on genuine interest and a desire to get to know them better, rather than solely driven by pressure or impatience. Are you really into them or are you just curious of how it will be to be with them in real life?
  • Be Prepared for Different Outcomes: Be prepared for the possibility that they may never be comfortable with an in-person meeting. Not all online connections lead to in-person relationships, and it’s important to be okay with different outcomes.

Remember that every person and situation is unique, and it’s crucial to approach this issue with empathy, patience, and understanding. Ultimately, the decision to meet in person should be a mutual and consensual one, and it’s essential to prioritize the comfort and boundaries of both parties involved.

On the other hand, psychology teaches us that building anticipation, maintaining open communication, and respecting boundaries are key to a successful transition. So, with excitement, patience, and empathy, let them lead the way to this thrilling journey from the digital world to reality!

Anna Hamboulla
Psychologist and Psychotherapist
ECP Accredited, PCA Supervisor